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RaynesAsylum's Journal


RaynesAsylum's Journal

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9 entries this month
 

heavy heart

03:43 Nov 29 2016
Times Read: 451


Tonight my son's best friend sent me a text that brought me to tears. He is going through some shit....smh. We love this boy like our own....But I feel powerless right now. If only I could bring him home and just hold him. He needs to know he is loved....he will always have a home here with us.


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Out of Sight Out of Mind

19:28 Nov 22 2016
Times Read: 470


This is so true. So easy when the person or object is out of sight....then it is like it never existed. But when it constantly haunts you and taunts you and harasses you.... not so easy to forget and move on. Just a reminder of shit gone wrong and heartache. I just want to forget and move forward.



SMH


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Why

15:23 Nov 20 2016
Times Read: 483


It is my first day off. Like for real off. No internship, no work, no school. I am even sick. So you would think I would sleep in right? So tell me why I have been up since 7AM!!!!



WHY!?


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ER

22:18 Nov 17 2016
Times Read: 492


Went to the ER today. Pain from ear to ear, dizziness, hypersensitive hearing, pressure in my ears, and a swollen jaw. Doctor said that it all started out as a severe sinus infection, but instead of going away after treatment, it lingered and now this. Sinus and ear infections. Happy happy joy joy.

Never in my life have I had issues with sinus, allergy, ear infections. Move to Texas and 6 years later I have developed an allergy to Oak and Mold and now this severe sinus infection/ear infection


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Morganna777
Morganna777
22:46 Nov 17 2016

Cheers:

I am so sorry to read this... I will send you healing intentions...

Get better soon!



Curtsy,



Lady Morganna





 

Anxiety

14:47 Nov 16 2016
Times Read: 498


So many anxieties lately - doesn't help my heart condition at all...



But I am hopeful. I start the new job on Nov 28th - that should help a lot!



I am just 2 weekends away from completing my 300 hours of internship!!!



Things are slowly falling into place.....



And throughout these anxieties I am thankful for those who have been there for me (you know who you are and I love you and appreciate everything!)


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My Wolf

02:19 Nov 13 2016
Times Read: 535


Years ago we met and connected on a level some do not understand. It was not sexual but it was more than friendship. As a wolf he had times of roaming off grid - I would go years before hearing from him....but he always seemed to track me down. Once again he has found me. It was such a pleasure to speak with him.


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whisper

05:23 Nov 09 2016
Times Read: 565


The Devil whispered in my ear, "You're not strong enough to withstand the storm."



Today I whispered in the Devil's ear, " I AM THE STORM!"


COMMENTS

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BloodStorm
BloodStorm
18:36 Nov 09 2016

Sometimes ya hafta have a little sympathy for the devil. If he were not a good guy at heart why the fuck did God spend so much time with him according to the Bible? Who are we to judge.





RaynesAsylum
RaynesAsylum
18:47 Nov 09 2016

I see the Devil as one who challenges us ....just as God challenges us...they just go at it in different ways. Think of it like parenting styles or for the psych nerds out there - positive reinforcement vs negative reinforcement.....



Regardless I am my own storm and I can whether any one else's storm because I am not weak.






DOLLFACE
DOLLFACE
11:42 Nov 10 2016

The blue-eyed Devil whispers in my ear and I fucking melt.





RaynesAsylum
RaynesAsylum
14:56 Nov 10 2016

I wonder who that could be *winks*



But sadly I do not think he is the same Devil that I speak of...your blue eyed devil does not view me as weak...






 

What's on my mind?

18:03 Nov 03 2016
Times Read: 577


The world can be filled with chaos, joy, love, pain, and uncertainty. Time does not always heal ALL wounds. Its one thing to forgive but please do not ever forget.



Always hold on to hope.



I love you and will always love you. True time has past and we can speak as if it were just yesterday. But keep in mind there has been growth and change - not just with me but also within you. So lets get to know each other again.



Keep an open mind. You do not have to protect me. I am not one of those in your life that demand protecting or shelter from the harshness of the world. I am strong as you are strong. We are different yet we share similarities. We all need help from time to time. And for those in my life who have helped me - I appreciate everything you have done - I love you all.



Do not judge. I know the world judges us - will always judge us. But do not think I judge you - I have not been jaded by the events in my life - I still have open mind, open heart. Think well before you cast the judgement stone at me - it is you who judges me when you do so.



Some things are not as big as they appear. Somethings are bigger than you want them to be. Sometimes it gets hard to tell which is which.



I can have friends. You may not like them. But there are people in your life I do not like but I do not interfere. I believe in giving everyone a chance.



The past is the past. I do not judge.



Sometimes you just go to let it go.



Sometimes you just need to breathe.



I need to breathe....



I am not naive, childlike, weak, or whatever else you think...I am my own person. I am educated. I am a woman. I am an empath. I am a mother. I am a submissive. I am a sister. I am a wife. I have known the loss of a child, mother, father, other family and friends. I have been abused in all forms. I have been homeless. I have been without financial concern. I have experienced much in my life. All which helped mold me. But do not mistake me for anything less. I am Kristine. Get to know me before you judge me or call me by any other name.



I will tell you the truth even if it hurts. Bluntness may not always be wanted but it is how I am. I do not sugar coat.



Finally....I want nothing...NOTHING FROM YOU (whoever you are).

But if you come to me with friendship and good intentions....I am here - open heart - open door - open book. I will help you in your time of need (cause thats what friends do!).


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My son's first date

15:46 Nov 02 2016
Times Read: 595


My son is 14 (15 in Jan). he is in 9th grade and Homecoming is next week.



Today he asked the girl he likes to Homecoming and she said yes. He sent me a text immediately sharing the news with me. So many emotions flooded my heart.



I am grateful that he chose to let me to be the first to know...that tells me that we have a close relationship and open communications - that is something special within itself because I didn't have that growing up with my biological mother and I am blessed to have it with my son.



My baby boy is growing up - sad and joyful all at once. Just 14 years ago doctors said he wouldn't live past the age of 6....at 6, doctors said he wouldn't live past 10....look at him now!!!



I know I have teased him in the past...saying he would have to be in early or whatnot on his first date. But in all seriousness...I am proud of him. He can be shy and insecure as all teenagers can be. He didn't even want to ask this girl at first in fear of rejection. But he took the chance and she said yes!



I am proud of him because he has become a young man that is thoughtful and respectful. He made me stop at the store this morning to get flowers for the girl he asked to homecoming....that speaks volumes....Again, I could not be more proud of my son.



What I want to say to my son when I see him after work today -

Don't be nervous. I know you probably will be anyway but there's no need to be. You're a great guy with a lot to offer. If she doesn't see that, it's not because of anything you did wrong.



Make sure to do stuff you like to do. If you focus on her the entire night, you're going to come home feeling pretty disappointed. And focusing on her too much creates bad relationship habits if you two ever got into a relationship. She's important. But you are, too. Plus this will help both of you see what all you have in common.



Dating isn't for sex. Respect her and yourself. Dating is for finding a healthy relationship. If you just wanted someone to have sex with you could easily find one. Even though I would prefer you to save sex until you are in a serious relationship or even marriage, I realize that sex is on the mind of young boys. Just don't feel pressured...you have plenty of time to explore the world of sex and physical intimacies. it's to find a good relationship. And a good relationship is about much more than just sex. A good relationship is about mutual affection, equal respect, and a desire to be a part of someone else's life for the better. If you find someone that meets these qualities. That's a good relationship. And yes, the sex will be rockin'. But again, please wait on the sex part.



When dating there are risks of getting hurt. There is no way to make this easy...but all I can say is that you can learn from the mistakes and grow from it. And just because one girl hurt, does not mean they all will. It just means that she is not the one.



Most of all, I want you to know how proud I am of you. you have always made good choices and I believe you will continue making good choices. You are smart, handsome, respectful and have the biggest heart. You always put other before yourself and you are one of a kind - I love you.



COMMENTS

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Voelk
Voelk
20:56 Nov 02 2016

That is awesome!








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